THIRTEENTWELVE

Am I happy?

Why yes.

For you see, I have a bag of fourteen pounds worth of chocolate.

And this isnt a shit load of boost bars.

Or indeed a shit load of any bars of chocolate from my local shop.

Its a bag thats pretty much too heavy to carry over a long distance, rammed full with a whole fuck load of chocolate, mini eggs, creme eggs, fudge bars, mis shapes and all sorts from a cadburys factory outlet.

I dont do some things by halfs...

fuckin mint.

Soulwax gig last night rocked. Ok so for my liking they played too much new album stuff, which was the point of the tour and I probably dont like cos I'm not familiar with it, but will soon like (already I like it more after hearing it live). They played the 3 bigger songs from the last album, but missed out My Cruel Joke in the encore.

It felt good to hear them live and how they lazily played the older album songs was cool. Be nice to hear Pop Life and see them monkey about on stage a bit, looked too serious.

The crowd loved it. I loved it. Top gig, look forward to them coming round again.

Also big ups to "Kevin" for putting up the old Soulwax online jukebox (go to his page and click Jukebox) as the old site on Soulwax.com was taken down. Big ups to him, even though I am quite jelous of him cos of this.

Working at We Love The Web has got me listening to the radio, not in massive quantities but still quite unusual for me, cos in general I think the radios shit. Of course except James Stannage on Key 103 and Terry Wogan on breakfast time BBC radio 2.

What I've been listening to, thanks to the captain of we love the web (should be called "we love *tha* web" but still) is Mark Steele Lectures on Radio 4, I'm Sorry I haven't A Clue on Radio 7, Absolute Power on Radio 7 and Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy on Radio4 and the occasional Dads Army on Radio 7 (all online and available on the BBC's listen again pages).

I now finally *get* Hitch Hikers Guide (though its only in the tertiary phase).

The rest of the radio still sucks balls though.

How many cranes are there in town right now? I must of driven past 20 on my way into work this morning.

I remember a couple of cranes being in town over the past couple of years but now theres shit loads of them.

And its good to say that most of the smaller ones, those ones on the back of big trucks are my local homeboys Killerlea cranes (the red ones).

Punch and Judy (Killerlea married Phil Neville of Manchester United) live just a minute down the road from me in their mansion.

now my cars all fixed (new brakes this morning causing me to get to work at 12 and not 10, even they the garage promised they'd fix the brakes in an hour if i took my car in at 8:30) the brakes feel all spongy which is scary cos I downloaded some videos from sportbikez.net of people riding their bikes waay to fast on public roads.

The dude riding around the Paris ring road is the bomb, hitting 150+ mph on a busy road.

So I hits my download program of choice and searched for more. I came accross some German dude who max's out his bike at over 270km/h (167mph) and from one set of lights, gets from 60mph in around 3 seconds and accelerating to around 150 on some inner city road.

Needless to say my polo wasnt doing any of that. Only in spirit. With its spongy brakes.

My parents have gone off cruizin on the qe2 so bon voyage to them.

Hence I'm eating the remains of last nights take-away tea that I just re-heated in the microwave. And it still tastes just right. Hmm. Ninos Dial A Pizza is the bomb.

Soulwax to look forward to on Tuesday, be there or be a dick.

Counterstrike Source to play now.

Having bad nights sleep. But have good company to have those bad nights sleep with.

Just bought A-Team series 1 with 2 hour pilot and some Dads Army dvds - fuckin hell yeah.

Have to laugh at assistant manager at the shop, who won a holiday to America courtesty of Oakley and so did touristy things around Hollywood. One of which was getting his photo taken outside the Viper, where River Phoenix died. Walking just a few paces behind him is Courtney Love. And he never noticed as he posed for his picture. lol mint.

Still want a Polo GTI esp. after seeing a page of engine mods taking the power from 125 to 165 bhp in an 800kg car. Yes please.

One of the few joys of still living at home (yeah I know, I probably should think about leaving the nest and taking root somewhere on my own - but I'd rather buy a new car) is the yearly "having to sweep leaves".

In our garden stand 2 bloody big trees and every autumn they shit all their leaves off into the garden and block the house drains.

This happens throughout the season of autumn as you can expect.

Every year my mum takes it decides the leaves want sweeping up and "13 bags of leaves need to be shifted, I'm not doing it on my own".

I have no idea how she knows theres going to be 13 bags of leaves, as if we shrink the size of bag as we fill the last up, in order to get to this perfect number.

Anyways, as I'm making my breakfast shes saying to me come out and do 30 mins (read 2 hours) of my time to shift some leaves as "they want shifting".

After she'd repeated "they want shifting" about 5 or 6 times I say "they dont want anything, they're leaves - its you that wants them shifted, the leaves dont want anything, they're leaves".

I'd already said i'd help (would never hear the end of it if i didnt, and probably rightly so) so why did I need to be told that "the leaves want shifting"? so many times? who knows. If its anything, its your mum.

So out I goes to shift some leaves, my dads been dragged in to and we're busy sweeping leaves and bagging them up. Whats my mum doing? Fuck all. Lol. At least I know where I get the need/ability to delegate tasks from.

Then I pulled out that great invention the garden vac. The thing that can suck leaves up and, more importantly blow the fuckers into next doors garden (and if you belive the gubbins on the side of the box, you can blow them into next doors garden at 130 - 180 mph [my arse])

Fuck you, techno is the shit.

Fuck you, techno is the shit.

Well its been a broadbandless week at work and I havent felt like posting via a modem. This a sneaky post from home is all your gonna get.

Big ups to J-money at work, saw his band play again last night and picked up a cd. Hardcore bands and there 1 minute 30 songs indeed.

And bigs ups to the other big J for pimping the tegs last night. I well want one now. Insurance will kill me...

Lol an un expected win; visiting this site on a really pants browser, such as one on a mobile phone displays black text on a white bg no matter what css is selected - cos I'm using document write for the css and their browsers dont understand it.

(waiting for an ftp transfer to happen - takes an age ftp - we need a wireless link from here to the server clearly)

More big ups to Sober; as while at his yesturday we put together a Power Mac G5 with 2 30" flat screens, bluetooth modules, big harddrives, nice speakers - the whole works (inlcuding a £500 graphics card and £4000 worth of 3gigs of Ram lol) - we managed to make a £13,000 system. You'd have to be fuckin nuts.

So the question was asked - could we make a PC, say a Dell Pc cost anywhere near as much?

Well yeah, £12,000 ish - smaller monitors, more expensive (yet not as good gfx card) 3 146 gig HDS in Raid5, which someone to come to our home and fit it. Again, top spec everything.

We where impressed. But then it struck us, we'd built and office machine, so being a big office, we needed more than one. We needed 500. So we typed in 500. £6,000,000 was the cost, all with someone to come fit them.

So then we scan the "fill in your details page" on Dells website. Theres a question that asks you if you plan to use the equipment as part of an act of mass destruction with examples including nuclear, chemical and biological. So we said we're exporting these machines to Algeria and we WHERE infact going to use them as part of an act of mass destruction (lol FBI watching my blog now? happy reading boys - nowt but inane bullshit here - anyways).

Then we clicked "next page".

Oh shit, error. Filled in in the phone number wrong. Click next page.

Shit another error, country of export not filled in - the form forgot our original selection. Press next page.

Please enter your credit card details. Amex, switch, visa and mastercard. Who the fucks got a £6 million credit limit or in their current account?

But very oddily - they didnt not let us proceed with the buying process despite us admitting we where going to actually use this the equipment for ill will.

Would be fuckin ace. Looking for international terrorists would be easy in this case. Just look for 500 Dell boxs and a fuck load of bubble wrap.

But. It does raise another queer point. In an arguement idea taken from Kevin Smiths "Clerks" where they discuss contractors on the second Death Star in Star Wars which the Rebels blow up. As the second Death Star wasnt fully built the argument proposed was that it was wrong for the Rebels to blow the Death Star up in the way they did with all those innocent contractors, plumbers, joiners, builders etc. on board - who where not apart of the war - simply earning their living and providing for their respective families. In the film a builder then tells the tale of how he actually makes moral decisions on what jobs to take and what to not where risk of such things is considered and that any contractor on the Death Star would be aware of the risks involved.

Our situation with Dell staff coming out to Algeria to build, wire up, load software, transfer data and pop a fuck load of bubble wrap seems suddenly relevant. Would it be right of Dell to sends staff out to do it? Is that question about your use of the hardware related to the obvious insurance implications caused by the yanks carpet bombing our secret volcano base and killing, maming and other wise twatting Dell staff.

If only I had £6,000,000 and a stolen Russian nuke....

Now I'm gonna big up Sober one more time for lending me the trilby hat and white tie so I could dress like a gangster for a "hats and body art" party for one of the work girls 21st parties last night.

Beginning of the night I'm walking around town in a suit, long black coat, white tie (hat in the boot of my car) with my black and red hair all up and all over like and clearly my piercings on my face - I felt more like a vampire. Snarling at people who stare too long to scare them away lol. If I was a vampire, that look would probably be about right.

Anyways - the most important thing to communicate about the party was the fact that is was in an affluant subburb of the city, when I'm driving to my other job at We Love The Web in a morning I see Merc SL 600s (the AMG SL55's better and poo poo to the scrubbers who bought SL500s - dipshits - either way they're all common as muck) - anyways, point is, I see lots of the dam things coming from where I was last night in the morning. And they retail for ninty-grand.

So basically its an affulant area. I guess just saying her dads got a Lamborghini Murciélago which retail for £223,250. A tad more than my 4, no, 3, perhaps £2grand Polo (which is still the fuckin shit man - word bitch like a mother fucker).

Anyways. The guests at the party where mainly wearing hats. Wearing expensive in that "doesnt look expensive but you know is" clothes and interesting with fake tattoo transfers/henna tattoos/permanent marker/biro drawings on their skin, lots of kanji and even on the faces too.

Now I've got my arm, neck, belly button, ears and face pierced up. Plus some hidden ink. And that silly star thing on my arm. Big Pink Pimp from our shop has his upper arm tattoo'd and J Money has I guess a half sleeve on his leg which rocks.

Now. Some of these people where quite toffy. And snobby. Funnyily so. You know, the sort who sorta look sorry for you when you announce "I'm from burnley" (the fuck you gonna do rich boy, fuck you). It probably wasnt intentionally, but some did seem to think they where better and above me. Some of which based on my facial piercings.

Ironic that the girl (lol my nape inspired her nape), bless her cotton socks chose the theme she did. Hilarious that people indulged in it. Brilliant that if any of the toffs actually had any of the things they'd adorned themselves with, for real, they'd frown on each other.

Get over yourselfs.

Was also pretty funny that J-Money whos into tattoos, motocross, bmxing and getting stoned, with his tattoos and who is actually a good lookin guy, who knows it and pimps it up big time. Well the girl at works sister and her mates where all pretty and lol as expected interested in him. You could almost see their parents saying "guys like him not for you" lol. When J's day has as much, if not more money than all of them.

(now I'm not saying the people where bad people, they're not - really they're not. all friendly, polite, interesting and actually nice people - point is they dont often mix with smart ass 22 year olds and I really dont mean to dis them, not my intention)

Today I worked in the shop as I do every Sunday now. Some lady came up to me with a coat while I was at one of the tills. I looked at the tag while scanning it and I read 49.99 and pressed the button on the scanner and it went into the till.

Then I did a double take on the price tag and read it actually said 94.99 and some random jiggle of the letters made me read 49.99.

The till said 94.99. So I said to the customer, "that'll be ninty-four-ninty-nine please" and she said "how much? thought it said 49.99, one sec, will just check with the boss" when she walked off and told the boyfriend.

She then came back and bought the coat - despite it being twice the price she originally expected. Thats fuckin nuts.

I have more Osiris D3's (second link, minus red laces - I think - tired - confused) waiting for me at work, only I cant buy them cos theres no code to put into the till or summin which means I can look at them but cant take them out the shop. Arse.