THIRTEENTWELVE

Its like the weather waited for me to leave the office and walk 100 m away before opening up the skies and letting rip with lots of rain.

My hoody top tried very hard to protect me. Indeed I have two wet stripes down my shoulders where the rain was clearly seeping through my hoody.

Hair runined.

Jeans piss wet through.

Shows and socks piss wet through. (not built for rain, dont fasten my shoelaces so shoes sit wide and open - the rain just falls in)

I kicked about 10 puddles (where you stand in it with one foot and the kick the splash with your other as you carry on your walk).

Bollocks.

Curiosity killed the cat. This poor sod's curioustly led him to find out his girlfriend of two years had been having it off with his best friend. Though they swear they never cheated - one of the facts to disprove this is the entry that contains the words "he put it in".

Its the quote "She also lied to me continually throughout the relationship and made it her personal goal and fun to tear me down and ruin my life." that does it for me. Commence online smear campaign young fella. I applaud your actions.

Beware of illegal video casettes.

Probably the best Swish thing ever made- largly cos its a parody of what you get on videos and doesnt use any actual swish effects.

Swishzones competition winners page is a good place to go laugh at rank anims done by "top design agencies" like this pearl.

I'm sure you like me will marvel at the use of the blur effect "to add touches of realism" and you'll be touching your noses with one hand, and pointing with the other when you read "we'll take you too the moon" with a shuttle picture and moon picture being moved accross the screen and you acknowledge how clever, sharp and witty that is.

So Machinehead are going back to the studios for their 5th studio album (6th album including the live one).

So I wonder is Supercharger a grower. Back in 2001 when it came out and and we dissed it cos it was toss - did we give it enough of a go.

Well currently 4 tracks in. 1st is a noisy nothingness intro thing. 2nd didnt do out for me, but it didnt piss me off. 3rd had a bit towards the end I like. And the 4th is the one i did listen to back then - which is also ok. So so far, not a great album, but not a toss one.

Pale in comparison to the Burning Red. But Supercharger loud through my headphones isnt doing that bad so far.

Next album is not gonna be called Turbocharger, Intercooler, Dumpvalve or Shot of NoS either. bah!

Further to the speed camera outside my house thing:

The council sent us a letter saying "due to recent discussions (with who?) there will be a police speed enforcement camera position in the vacinaty of your house. The council tries to position these cameras in clear, visible, open areas and away from houses" or some words to that extent.

So wheres this camera going? Behind a bus stop and under some trees, facing a house and just after where loads of people park there cars.

The cameras radar will be facing at least 2 houses straight on (note radar is dangerous, much like sticking head in microwave and turning it on would be) and will be well hidden and disguised by the bus stop, bus stop sign and the trees. So the council clearly have no problem peddling the police lies to residents around where I live.

The stretch of road we're on is 40mph and is very wide, open and you can see for miles down it. Yes people do speed on it - but its not that busy and the majority of people dont go that fast. Theres enough people that do more than 40 though, so they will probably make a tidy profit. If the camera was moved say, 200m in either direction, still in the 40 zone and still in a place where everyone speeds, it would indeed be in a clear, open area away from houses. So why site it in the only place in say 2 miles where it will be hidden? Stealth tax? Esp as speeders will now also pay £35 to pay for the victims of crime to counter claims culture.

I personally think the camera would be better suited outside the local school where the 30 zone is and it only active between 8 and 9:30 and 3 and 5 - the only time when speeding on our road is particulary dangerous.

I totally dont mind speed cameras in very dangerous areas. The way some arbritary number decides that 29.9 mph is safe and 30.1 mph isnt when in many cases speed limmits are put in place by councillors and not road wise engineers types and so are not based on safety, just "sounds right to me" basis.

Speed limmits where first posted as a guide for speed regarded as safe for the road you where on. Only in 1984 they became law that you could be prosecuted under. Until then, as long as you drove safely and with regard to other motorists and dangers you where pretty much fine.

Thats how it should be today. Prosecute dangerous drivers not tax all drivers more.

Speed cameras dont catch drink or drug drivers. Or buglars, rapists, serial killers, wife beaters, drug barons.....

As if they're gonna put a speed camera outside my bloody house. Fantastic.

As if they're gonna put a speed camera outside my bloody house. Fantastic.

"Its a sham and I'll accept it all.Life is a compromise, anyways"

Thank goodness I put Mansuns "Six" on my laptop all that time ago. The hour long story will play me out of the day at work. Good stuff.

Its the sorta thing I have to listen to all of it or non of it. A pain in the car as I'd refuse to get out unless I heard the whole thing. Used to sit in the car park outside work just getting the last track in before walking in. Haha

Big ups to my Sunday Dossers for another entertaining day convoying to full and enriching days out.

Yesturdays cable car ride, 6 min video covering 4 billion years of the Earths history, short cave tour, adventure playground and big slide (oh which my fat ass wouldnt slide down pah) rocked.

Today my back aches from the climb to peel tower though.

Freakin Derbyshire though. What a toss place to drive in. No apologies to Derbyshire but you, like me should blame your scum of a Police force. Heres a good idea to cut speed related deaths; lets paint our speed cameras the same green as the lamposts and bushes - and them hide them in those bushes. That way no one sees the speed cameras so no one slows down for the particular accident black spot. (of course you catch a bunch of speeding motorists and make lots of money).

Now run out of green paint? Sure do have alot of white left though dont you. Seems deception is the name of the game for Derbyshire police - forward facing Truvello cameras which look like Gatsos but face the other way (and importantly dont require the lines painted on the road associated with Gatso cameras) - which have the Gatso camera white painted road marking AFTER the camera.

Clearly to stop those people who Gatso surf, that is speed, slow for the cams, speed up, slow down. But, as speeding is accepted, not just socially but by the police (Cheif of the London Met quoted) as something that everyone does and do 99.99% of the time safely - then the need to use speed cameras should be on a accident blackspot basis. So that people do slow down in areas where exessive speed really does cause accidents. That way cameras are totally a safety device and not a stealth tax on the motorist who continually pays through the nose to buy, insure and run a vehicle in this country.

What else did I see on my trip through Derbyshire? Oh thats right a Derbyshire police man drive past a 50mph sign at more than 70mph at the end of a duel carrideway on the A6. (we followed him on the 70 stretch at around 70, but slowed to 50 for the 50 stretch where he just raced off).

That said, hopefully I didnt pick up any points and the day was top. Albert falling asleep and spazzing out on an adventure playground and General Molroy freakin out on a cable car to make the other cable car going down laugh and ending with "shit have they gone yet" as the cars stopped to allow photography stand out as great Sunday Dosser moments. (though despie eagle eyed viewing of the speedo (and not the road) I still think it will be a miracle not to have at least 3 points).

Next week a trip to Speedwell Caverns or even the ambitous plan to go to LLandudno.

What is it that allows a truly toss band like U2 to write a truly top song like "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" ?

Its not cos it was for that Batman film, cos R Kelly who is toss, wrote that "I Belive I Can Fly" for that film. And that was toss too.

According to General Molroy that Alliyah girl who died in that plane crash a couple of years back (I saw the homevideo of that - well frikken haunting) is famous not for being a singer, or actress (I'm sorry but Queen of the Damned was a good film) - no infact shes apparently famous due to R Kelly.

As the story goes he dicked her and taped it when she was like 14. So there you go.

The good news is - the blink tag is back.

for years and years we've had to do without but now thanks to some bored people we can all enjoy the crackin effects of the tag. Thank you to those good men.

(also while reading metafilter, read this comments string to the RIAA action against kazaa uploaders/downloaders - it certainly tickled me)

If you search for "swap" on Thesaurus.Com you get a rather, what I'd say random result (look at the 2nd to bottom listing)

So thats what the *kids* are calling it these days. How gross.

Question. Are 13twelves solitary animals?

Answer. No. They get what little time they need on their own whilst piloting their kev mobiles.

The dinner times on my own are certainly taking their toll. Bah.

(no this isnt a cry out pathetic post either)

What is it about school holidays that empty the roads of cars?

Surly 70% of road traffic in a morning cannot be be directly due to education. I know mums do the school run - but that clogs towns and villages - not motorways. Teachers have to get to schools - but they get there before rush hour. So what is it?

Or is it the few drivers who are related to education in some way, the mothers who drop their kids of and then drive to work - xcept now they're staying at home - are these drivers the silly cunts who cauise all the problems on the roads to cause the heavy traffic and so are these drivers the worst in britain?

You can probably guess my answer.

It looks like its good bye 13twelve.

Not for another 8 years though. Still its a worry.

According to scientists (from Metafilter) you get 1.5 billion heart beats in your life.

Most of you are pumping away at what, 77? So you get 37 years before you die, of course medicine keeps you going much longer.

Me on the other hand, who spends my entire time over 100, esp when its hot, I get to be 29.

Sure medicine may keep me going - but arse - what a head start you all get.

Make sure you say your farewells...

- Yesturday


- Dressed up smart after going to a wedding (note hair colour - died fresh this morning *before* the wedding - brave I know).


- Right now.

Remember that stick man kung fu flash file that ended with the 3d matrix kick ting?

Well the whole bunch of them is here (ha untitled pages).

XIAOXIAO-03 that I remember - the rest the 5 mins of net fame metafilter gave XIAOXIAO seemed to ignore. (you'll find copies of the 3rd ones swf all over the net)

Now I'm posting this like I'm pointing it out to be dead cool but to be honest I probably wont even spend the time watching more than 1 other of the files myself. So its probably not. But it was a cool 5 mins of fame when it was cool for it.

So what was todays price to not be beaten up?

One slice of a shite pizza - thats all.

Wandered away from work towards the center of town for dinner and settled with a cheap pizza accross from a small park in the student part of town.

As I entered the park with fresh pizza I didnt see the swarm of sunburnt topless male winoes. But they noticed me.

After saying I dont smoke and seeing that look in their eyes, they asked about my pizza, so I gave them a slice. They then randomly said "god bless you, your a good man" and left me alone.

I suppose you gotta admire the cheeck of Manc scallies sometimes.

So hows the healthy summer going 13twelve? - you maybe wondering.

Well yesturday I consumed a bowl of CocoPops Crunchies with semi skimmed milk with half a litre of water mixed with Robinsons Fruit and Barley Summer Fruits (no sugar, additives or preservatives), a 6" Subway Melt (bacon, turkey, chicken, beef, cheese on bread) with another half litre of water and a half litre of Pepsi, a Twix, several Haribo Starmix, 2 1/2 pints of Coke, take away Cheeseburger and another half litre of water with Robinsons Fruit and Barley.

Water of choice is Volvic. Aqua Pura, Buxton, Vittel come after that and Evion bleugh.

Verdict? haha well clearly its going famously....

Curious how photoshop calls it "dark warm brown" rather than "dog shit brown".

If this was my world....

Oh yeah; girl in the green 206.

hahaha wasted you!

screech vroooom bye bye

Step 1: Buy this album.

Step 2: Get in car

Step 3: Put that album in your cd player

Step 4: Drive really fast without regard for other road users or your tyres but be quite unaware your doing so.

Result: You get home/wherever exceedingly fast.

Two Manchester celebs in one day. I cant take any more!

Nick Clarke on the phone to me as I start my work experience place at the Boot Room (Nick goes back a long time with the fella that runs it - so massive big ups to him for sticking his neck out for me)

and then clearly the ultimate;

Jonn Robb. Ok so I dont really like him and I nearly walked into him outside Subway in town. Memories of that Witchwood Gig in Ashton where the mighty //lanstraum supported Goldblade and Jonn Robb danced all night with his flies undone whilst calling me "kangaroo boy".

I'm putting together (at least in my head) the next 1312 mix-cd.

So far I'm going with:

Fleetwood Mac - The Chain (cos General Molroy of Made In China played it me and refreshed my memory on what a top tune it was)

Gloria Jones - Tainted Love (cos its a top version of a top song)

Kraftwerk - Model (its just cool to me)

Billy Joel - Its Still Rock N Roll To Me (The Togmeister played it on his show and I liked the lyrics)

Edwyn Collins - Girl Like You (though I'm looking for a cool version, preferably acoustic)

Backstreet Boys - Backstreets Back (rather oddily released just before they took a long break while one of them had a heart operation - TOP TOP tune though)

Bruce Hornsby and the Range - The Way It Is (I might go for the Tupac - Changes song though)

Eric Burden and the Animals - House of the Rising Sun (perhaps my favourite all time tune)

Rocky Horry Show - Timewarp (memories of childhood going to family do's)

SOAP - This Is How We Party (has a vocal thing in it does it for me)

Dire Straits - Sultans Of Swing (Mark Knopfler can really play that damn geeetarr)

Thunder - Love Walked In (was lent a Thunder live double album in college. Thought it was toss. But that song was cool)

Gerry Raferty - Baker Street (cos that sax rocks)

The Chipmunks - TV theme (no explanation needed)

What you think?

My parents house has 2 land lines (oooh posh - i know - ahem)

Anyways, while sat trying to find BoC Lightings on Ebay (cos I fancy a large jet plane for the garden) one of the 2 phone lines began to ring.

Knowing that at this time of day only spam people phone that line I left it.

For 10 minutes I left it.

Then after 10 mins I picked it up amazed at how long they tried to phone up.

After some clicks on came a lady asking for my female parental unit, though by mispronunciating her name. So I told her she had the wrong number at which she immediatly cut off the phone.

(ok so the stupid woman didnt sit there for ages waiting, they have intelligent diallers that dial more numbers than they have operators, knowing that people wont answer their phones during the day cos they're at work. These diallers call a bunch of numbers, wait till its picked up and then connects you to a person at their end. This often results in you picking up the phone to find it dead, cos they've not got enough operators. Quite why this one chose to wait 10 mins without deciding there was no one here I dont know)

MADE IN CHINA* - I forgot I made this - needs fixing up a little as General Molroys frontpage broke the navi. And I think I'll add an iframe and hope that no screen readers need to use it.

(posted from the new Google bar with built in "blog this" button - also wondering if this will work to actually bloody post something without me having to open up my mac)

I have had enough of Audi TT's. They're shit. I'm sorry but they are.

If you have the money to buy one, dont. Buy a Honda S2000 or that loverly small TVR instead.

And if it must be an Audi, then for petes sake buy an S3.

Sick of seeing status symbol TT's "owning the road" when they only really look good from one angle, looking at it from the back to one side or the other. The fronts minging. The backs nowt special. The sides are odd. The interior is A3. The performance isnt *that* special compared to a S2000 or that small TVR and if you aint got the TT Quattro then you can even beat my Polo from the lights so why bother making a tit of yourself?

I now seem to be on yet another version of blogger (probably the mac compat version). I only hope this version works as theres a good few posts that just havent appeared as and when I've posted them.

testing?

(its not bloody working for some dam reason)

Strawberry scented windscreen?

Why yes.

After buying a bottle of Volvic brand mineral water with that touch of summer strawberry and deciding it was rank I poured it into my windscreen washer tank in the car to see if it gives me a strawberry scented windscreen.

Yup.

Microwavable foods?

Yes I do like piercing (film lids)

Right lets get this straigh. Ladies/girls/females with cars. The highway code states "mirror, signal, manoeuvre" and not "signal, mirror manoeuvre" or any other combination.

Y'see cars are fitted with indicators for a reason. To indicate what you are going to do. Its in the name.

I can hear you thinking already in that pathetic innocent I'm a women so I'm always right voice "what can you get annoyed at, I indicate and use my mirrors".

Yes good for you.

Except, as we where all taught to "mirror, signal, manoeuvre" then when you see someone indicating its logical to assume they are going to manoeuvre. It would be also fan-freakin-tastic to also assume that they also used their mirrors to check that any manoeuvre was safe to indicate their intention to do the manoeuvre.

When you just ram your indicators on willy nilly and then check, you then put other drivers like me into playing the game of "are they just gonna pull out cos they havent seen me or are they just gonna sit there?" which causes us to slow down and either sit behind you or crawl past you. Which means you have to wait longer before pulling out.

Or if you just pull out then your ripe for some serious abuse, tail gating, headlight flashing, beeping etc. To which you think the same innocent piss annoying "whats his problem I inidicated and everything".

Its simply frikken logic - now bloody follow it.

(why did I pick on women? cos 9 times out of 10, or actually 10 times out of 10 its a women and on todays ride home it happned around about 10 times in 3 miles of motorway)

Experienced a few problems with the blog. The last 4 or so posts didnt appear on the page for some reason.

Anyways fixed it now. Didnt do anything. Just fiddled abit. So there you go.