THIRTEENTWELVE

I didnt tell the storey of how on Monday I didnt drink any Pepsi (or coke, or caffine in general) untill around about 8pm.

Because at 8pm, despite not really doing anything with myself to push or stress myself or out and despite teh fact I had eaten fairly healthily I felt like crap and was falling alseep.

Then I had a can of Pepsi, I twitched into life and I was back to normal.

Hmm, so maybe I do need the miracle drink to keep me going.

FAMOUS!

As a piercing model in Manchester Body Piercing shop and soon, their website (not linking to the current site, as it shunts you to the Leeds sister site, that simply sucks!)

If you enter the shop and look to the right of the counter on a wall, theres about 20 pictures and I'm 3 of them! wooo! Mrs 13twelve takes pride of place at the top left of them all (though, her face is hidden, which I hope makes it ok for her!)

Woo!

Ok as I go flash thingi kerazee I gotta post a link to this thing.

Spear A Traffic Warden

(no more linking things for me, I'm getting too much like the actual definition of what a blog is)

I wasnt going to post here today; I'm supposed to be doing college work.

But I seem to have stumbled accross something while researching that simply has to be linked to, and I'm surprised I've never spotted it on memepool, metafilter or anywhere else.

Be a A Safe Rider

Hommage to the word: Spaf.

Same meaning but far less offensive to the word thats almost the same, bar the last letter.

In my effort to express myself without using words that simply upset other people, this came out in true made up on the spot fashion. And is clearly destined to take over the world.

"Spaf! Ah-ah. Saved ev'ry oneofus.." (credit: g to the x)

Ordering things for home delivery comes with that game of trying to guess when infact something is going to be sent to you.

My new Osiris D3s, rather like my current shoes, but black, where ordered from Shuh, the aptly named shoe shop chain, on [saturday]. I was told I would have them before Friday this week. So that means when? Well before Friday, thats for sure.

Expecting them on Friday I've been thinking nothing of them. Low and behold, they came today. Pity was I wasnt there to get them. So parcel force has taken em back, and will try again tommorow. When also, I wont be there to get them. But on Friday there is a fair chance I'll be there to get them, or at least my mother will be.

Turn up for the books, impatient me could of had my shoes today. Busy me hasnt though.

So a big yay and a big piss.

(currently wearing Osiris D3s btw. Mine are blue and the ones coming are a cool black. I've never done the "buying the same shoe twice" so this is a new ting for me. They are nice shoes though and DC and Vans have nothing but shit out there and I cant be assed tracking down nice Etnies)

Hmm the most fun thing I have discovered with my feet today is; jumping down steps sideways with, style points.

In an effort to decend non moving steps quickly, I have developed a method of jumping sideways. This works for me in many ways. Especially at our office where the method has been developed. Staircases with sharp turny bits at the bottom to bounce off are most ideal, as you have a chance for fast slowing down and changing of direction.

Also, every morning I wake up and discover I can infact talk. Bloody brillaint.

Speaking of Skipton (as I know you ALL are). Not living that far away from it and having family with interests in and around it such as caravan sites, golf driving ranges, gate to the Yorkshire Dales and a *famous* pork pie shop.

Yes yes, its one of those famous ones. Y'know. Surley. Ok maybe not. Unless you live next door to it, or have read the sign, you just wouldnt know.

Speaking of said famous pork pie shop. One hot day, when I was younger my dad drove us out to Skipton for something and while we where there we, or he, decided to get some pork pies. The famous pork pie shop seemed somewhat ideal. Sure my dad was clearly fooled by the sign.

So we had pork pies, fresh and hot out of the [insert cooking method]. So we gets out the shop and I chomp into this pie. The immense pressure caused by my chomping caused a shot of steaming hot fat to shoot out the side of the pie.

It flew out, accross the gap between me and my dad and hit him on his leg.

It being a hot day, he was wearing shorts. Down his shin and ankle the fat went.

The pie was toss. Watching him dance around in pain was hilarious.


relevant: I will tell the story of how on one trip returning from Butlins in Minehead, in our old Sierra when I was about 5 or summin, where he got back into the car in some shorts to sit on a bee that also flew into the car when he opened the door. The drive home wasnt much fun. Watching him dance around in pain was hilarious.

Is there a moral to these two stories?
(big ups my dad, even though he did make me drive for 5 hours to take him his 'darn pills last night)

OK so a few days and no word from me. Well its been easter and I've been at work. So not online much or just too darn busy for anything interesting to happen.

We did try and die my hair with a henna hair dye from the Body Shop though.

Raging red it was called. Figured it be a good choice. I like bright red hair. I didnt want to use a normal bleech and dye process, too many chemicals too near a fairly fresh piercing (ie. my neck)

So instructions where rip open the packet, mix with 250ml of boiling water, mix wait to cool, apply. Simple.

Open the packet to find a green powder. Wonder how its gonna dye my hair "raging red". Mix with water to find it goes brown, looks like horse manure and smells like it. Again wonder how its gonna dye my hair "raging red" and we're gonna apply it without me wretching and being sick.

Comes to applying it, sure enough I'm feeling really really ill. The smell of shit is too much. But pressing on...

Scoop the stuff up onto hair, though like dry sand it crumbles and falls off. No good. Poo is now all over me and the floor.

So I add more boiling water from a suibtably boiling tap. And mix. Now it looks like stool. Still smells of poo. And still wont stick to my hair.

Now feeling totally ill and can take no more, we abort the mission.

When the nape heals somemore, proper hair dyes will be used. I learnt my lesson..

OK so its a little too easy I guess. Though I havnt done it yet.

Its just too dam hot.

Thats what it is. Its not even funny.

Largly cos instead of being out enjoying it, I'm working!

(admittidly this gives me much needed money to enjoy spending and cover the money I already enjoyied spending which wasnt mine in the first place)

You know muffins, baps, rolls or, well is it "bam cake" or "barm cake" ?

According to the butty shop I go to for bacon buttys, barms, muffins, baps or whatever, you can now get a steakwhich butty, with real slices of beef all on a bam cake for £3.85.

Bammy.

or Barmy.

ahem.

My new Godsmack CD, Faceless (which is typical Godsmack through and through - you can rely on the band for that) - well its got an auto run feature that opens up a webpage on your computer, so you can access unreleased live tracks.

Which is nice.

On my pc, the CD opened up Internet Explorer, took me too a page and all was fine and dandy.

Put the same CD in my iBook and, once again, IE opens up to a webpage. Only now the page isnt compatable, cos it doesnt work on a Mac.

Top marks for making an autorun.exe thingie work on my mac, so used to enhanced cds either not working or doing random things on my iBook.

Minus all those marks for then not making the sodding sight Mac compatable...

Went to watch Johnny English last night. Mrs 13twelve chose it and in the end, Mrs 13twelve didnt like it.

But I didnt think it was that bad. Sure not the funniest film ever, but for simple light entertainment laughs where no brain is required - it did the trick for me.

Plus I got to day dream about being crowned king of the United Kingdom and all its terratory.

Now that would rock. I really would make a good king.

"Free piercings and pepsi, for all!"

or more like, "life as normal for all, bring on the pimp'd Ferraris for me"

I'm at work. My gawd what am I doing? I'm a student. Not a serious work type.

Or is it that I just havnt had any Pepsi yet, or more to the point, the Pepsi I am drinking now just isnt kicking in quick enough.

Come on caffine, wake me up.

I did get to do some mental driving to get here. Easter break means for far less traffic. Means for higher speeds. Means for higher insanity among other drivers. Means for more danger. Means for more fun.

So I did spend vast quantities of my time travelling to work calm and still with Ladytron on, but I did get a good few very high heart rate adreniline pumping moments.

Well more than usual. Ahem.

Well. I can beat the insane look generated by playing Michael Jackson music loud ouf of my car at traffic lights.

All you need is: David Bowie, the willing ness to turn the volume dial up that little bit further, caffine rush and a long, long line of very very slow moving traffic on the end of a motorway sliproad to a roundabout, at rush hour.

Then, simply play your Bowie music very loud, with your window open, sing like your the man himself and dance.

Not just rocking about in the seat of your car.

But BIG. Dance BIG.

I guarantee that you will have lots of people staring and thinking your nuts. And at least one who sings along.

The SIMS came out on Xbox the other day and Mrs 13twelve wanted it. So we got it.

I've never played it before and didnt have any real idea what it was about and what to do. Its not my sorta game, too slow, no fragging everything that moves or fast cars. So I wasted like 12 hours playing it in a couple of long sessions so far.

I have "Don Nino", who is older than his mum, still living at home with her and named after my favourite pizza take away.

You can visit the Goth Family, who, for kicks go mourn in the graveyard in their back garden. More interestingly you can make the older members of the family scare, tease, tickle and juggle for other grieving people.

And Steve Threllfall, whos moved out, got a job but has a tendancy to not go to the toilet and so piss himself, espeicially on dates with attractive women. (I know, define attractive, its just a game)

Oh. I had the pleasure of showering.

With mentholated shampoo this morning.

Its really mad, not sure if I liked it, but I will definatly do it again.

Didnt notice anything untill I was washing out the shampoo when suddenly my nose free'd right up and my brain felt like it was doing the breathing. Such an odd feeling, I tells ya.

Can understand why you faggots out there choose menthol cigarettes, you must get an interesting mix of that carbon monoxide hit and the menthol hit. (or is it that the menthol clears your airways and just makes smoking better? I dont smoke, hence faggots and I'm open to accept my first statement was a little nieve - but in the world of me etc.)

Its almost like there is no one in college. Oh thats right, there isnt. Just me.

Never thought how odd it seems in our college when its holiday time.

Sure, when I worked on the other side of campus I walked through the campus when it was dead. But never into buildings where I spent any amount of time.

Sat in the design studio now. Silent. I'll be going nuts with the voices in my head soon.

Oh I am here for a reason. Meeting a lad at 10:30 ish (more like 11) to do some work, cos it all went a bit wrong last week. Dedication to getting the job done, or what? (rhetorical)

Quite why I turned up nearer 9:30 is easy to explain. Dropped Mrs 13twelve off at college and then didnt have a right lot to do but drive to college. So I did.

Back to the voices in my head, perhaps I'll just go down a couple o cans of Pepsi from the smokers room (which wont be too bad, cos the smokers wont be here) and then go run riot till 11. Hmm sounds like a plan.

But at least the car park was free...

Well wish me luck people, I made myself an online Cv thingie and emailed Magnetic North about a work experience placement.

Though, I fear, much like the email to Pepsi (about the exclusive distrobution agreement) - I fear they will just think I'm insane and ignore me.

It all goes to pot when it comes to writing a serious email for and about something serious.

Still, fingers crossed. ALL OF THEM. (I will be checking)

Well aware that I probably shot myself in the foot with this one.

"Sounds like some one has a case of the suppossdas"

Hahaha. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Words like fuggedaboudit that simply should exist.

Ok so I'm watching the Simpsons. Homer Simpson is actually top.

I know the cartoons old, but it still rocks. And you really are a nob if you dont think so.

I mean, you wouldnt have your Futurama to watch without the Simpsons.

I like Homer (and my mum) plan to grow up absolutly nuts.

"wait a minute, I'm a guy like me"

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

They've stopped showing the A-Team on UkGold at 6 - its now the crappy New Adventures of Superman.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Well apparently my teeth rock.

Ok so thats an overstatement. They still, on the whole, ming. But they are no worse than they where.

Infact, my wisdom tooth seems to be going in the right direction.

An effect of the Pepsi is clear, though the tooth polishing sorted that.

Thank goodness.

Still porcilin veneers needs to be looked into, so I'm gonna need a good job.

anyone?

9:55 This morning (which is still in the future currently) I have the dentists to go to.

Dreading it. I simply have the worst teeth ever. Cant blame pepsi for it all, I mean, I've always had shitty teeth. My dad has shitty teeth. His dad did. And so on.

Frantic brushing now, just might, fix it all though! haha

and I gotta get him to refer me to a wisdom tooth removal thingie...

Nooo!

Confidence, as in self confidence usually come from one of two places.

1. Your a "beautiful" person, or you love yourself and so have the air of confidence

2. Your really good at something to give you that self confidence.

So, why, you might ask, am I so self confident?

I'm neither a beautiful person or *that* good at anything. Well. The answer is, it seems, clear.

By my rules, I rock. I'm totally ace at being me. Which gives me good reason to justify the baseless self confidence I just have.

Some of you can impersinate being me, but non of you are as naturally good at it as me.

(does this mean everyone should just be self confident because they are who they are? I dont know. that question, among many more, I dont know the answer to)

To be ever so slightly boring again, another insurance rant.

Adrian Flux tells me the average whiplash claim is around £1500.

So the payout of my accident 2 years ago automatically gets upped by that much. (which tops most insurance companies limits as to who they will insure and who they wont, some have caps at £3000, some at £5000 and others higher)

Cost of that car was around £4000, plus £1500. So automatically making a whole bunch of insurance companies unable to insure me.

Best bit, it makes them that still can put a chunk on, like £200 - £400 on my quotes.

So. A certain someone best stay the hell away from me over this easter break time.

Its not like I'd phsyically harm him. Steal his switch card and use that to pay for my insurance this year, more like...

Insurance nightmares once again. Only this time, worse.

Norwich Union have decided that if I am to be the main driver on my mothers insurance policy on my car, it will cost £1900. For me to be on the policy at all will cost £1185.

My car isnt worth a whole lot more that that. Which is a shitter.

So I tried my car, my policy. Elephant.co.uk couldnt quote me (so no link), CIS who are supposed to be good for young and modified, cant quote me, HIC who again are supposed to be good for young and modified cant quote me.

But Adrian Flux found me someone who could. (its a company, not a random fella). £1800 fully comp or £1300 third party fire and theft.

Which still means theres a 3 grand risk if I bang my car big.

BUT.

Next year, or next May, my crash doesnt count, as it will then be 3 years and 1 month in the past, in which case Adrian Flux doesnt care (and some other insurance companies, some ask for 5 years back). Which means, hopefully 1 years no claims, no accident history and hopefully a 40% drop in price.

Taking £1800 down to £1000. Which is still massive. But not as massive as nearly £2000.

OR.

I have to sell the beloved Polo.

And buy, lets say, a shitter Polo. Like a 1990 H reg shit tip for £500. Which will still cost me £1300 to insure fully comp and (hahaha) £1200 ish third party fire and theft.

:-( I dont want to sell my Polo :*-(

Instead of your boring old orange juice in a morning, why dont you try Orange and Apricot juice.

Tastes better, doesnt make you more thirsty and the apricot counts as one of your essential five portions of fruit and vegitables your supposed to have a day.

So thats 1 for me then...

Well I finally fitted my DTM mirrors. I gotta admit they look sweet, far better than the OE mirrors.

They got delivered yesturday. So last night I got to grips with fitting them only to fail, realising I know very little about how cars are put together.

I got some of the door trim off, and managed to remove the mirrors themselves. The wiring foxed me. My car has 5 wires leading to the mirrors, my new mirrors only have 3.

To the rescue, the fact that I'm replacing the mirrors cos I smashed one of them. Peer through the smashed mirror and yank off the actual mirror bit.

Notice that the wires are red and white are attached to the heating elements. Hmm. That leaves brown, blue and black. I betted that black is earth, or negative and so the other two must equate to each other. And as all cars run 12 volts I guessed that I should ram the wires together as best made sense, black to black, white to brown and clearly red to blue.

By some miracle it worked. First time. Almost perfectly. (almost, pressing up on the right hand side moves it down and pressing left on the left hand side moves it right - I guess the way it works is feeding -12v and +12v to the motors with an earth of 0v to complete the circuit - whether a direction means postive or negative must change per manufacturer - the plane of movement is still right though)

It only took 45 mins, several swear words and 3 cuts to my hands.

So I'm free to change your stereo, change your indicators, side repeaters, rear clusters and now, to fit new mirrors to your car...